'Be Kind to One Another' with Tanja Mitton

This article is from the August 2019 Horse Deals magazine.

One thing that all of us crazy horse people have in common is our passion for horses.

No matter where you are on the scale if you are a Grand Prix rider, a World Cup showjumping competitor, campdrafter or reiner. If you are into cutting, enthusiastic about trail riding, horsemanship focused or more leaning towards the classical dressage. We are all different and yet there are two things that bind us together; our love for horses and the need to be right!

The common arguments generally start if the horse should be barefoot or have shoes on, if the saddle should be an old traditional one or a treeless one, should we ride with a bit or without, one rein or two reins, noseband or not, bandages versus boots, spurs or whips or none. Should we be lunging or doing liberty work instead and if lunging do we do it with side reins or without, using a lunging whip or flag or bamboo stick?

No wonder new riders are confused, knowledgeable riders become defensive, the riders who have little experience think they know it all and the ones who have a lifetime of experience worry that they know nothing anymore and every parent who has a pony loving child prays that they will take up tennis instead.

OK, I know I am opening a can of worms here but if you are still reading this I hope you stick with me so I can get my point across.

Let’s be kind to each other.

In a crazy world where peace is a rarity and conflict is our daily companion, let us make an effort to embrace kindness; for our horses’ sake.

I am going out here on a limb when I am saying that there is no right or wrong when it comes to making decisions and choosing equipment, at least not those which are on the market and have been tested and proven.

Spurs are not harmful when used correctly and a saddle needs to be fitted if it has a tree or not. Some horses are better off barefoot and others benefit from shoes...

Now, this is where I come to the real point I want to make in this article and that is education.

No one wants to be lectured, told they do the wrong thing or yelled at that they are an idiot and that they shouldn’t own a horse. I understand that many people want to defend the helpless horse but I still prefer to educate the rider.

How do we educate? We empower the individual with knowledge by offering constructive feedback, giving praise for things that have already been learned and making suggestions. A simple “can I help you” or “I remember how hard it was when I started out...” can open a conversation, instead of launching into “you can’t do that, this is totally wrong.” Accept if other riders do things differently and maybe hold off with your advice until you have been asked for help or make a suggestion but do it privately. If you give too much ‘free advice’ you can put people off. Every horse is an individual and every rider has a different background.

You can’t judge until you know.
1. If you are a rider then please treat other riders with respect even if they do things differently to you. We have all made mistakes along the way and without them, we would not be where we are now.
2. When teaching, be encouraging and invite feedback from the rider. Don’t run a dictatorship where you are the only one giving orders.
3. Amongst your friends share your knowledge and what you have learned without letting your ego get in the way and the need to defend your opinions.
4. As a judge, give honest feedback but do it kindly. Most riders compete because they love the social interaction with others and enjoy their horsey time away from family and work. Even though most riders want to improve, what they are craving more is a little validation for all the hard work they put in. A simple ‘well done and keep on improving’ at the end of a test sheet can make a big difference.
5. Officials, you are not the only ones who are stressed on competition day. Everyone is trying to do their best, smile and enjoy
the moment.
6. To the spectators, don’t be harsh. Things are always easier said than done. Enjoy the competition rather than criticise and make a habit of saying three nice, positive things for every one negative comment.
7. If you are the competitor, relax, smile and be tolerant of others. Everyone doubts themselves from time to time and most riders are nervous. So give out compliments, be encouraging and kind and offer help without being overbearing.
8. Treat others like you want to be treated.

And finally one more word of advice; stay away from Facebook!
• If someone has done the wrong thing by you, talk to them privately.
• If you are looking for someone to celebrate your success, pick up the phone the old fashion way and ring a friend.
• If you are feeling low, get help by talking to ONE person.
• If your horse is lame call the vet.
• When you have a question regarding feeding, training or behaviour issues speak to your coach.
• And if you need validation then look to yourself.

At the end of the day, do the best you can with the knowledge you have. Keep on learning and acknowledge your achievements. Ask for advice and learn to say ‘no’ and ‘thank you.’

Good advice doesn’t come free so select the people you listen to wisely.

The kinder we are to ourselves and others around us the more relaxed we can be with our horses. Stress creates tension and tension blocks our horses physically and mentally.
So lets turn this ship around and rather than being annoyed with others, practice to give out hugs and lets make the horse community a strong and supportive environment for everyone.

Happy riding everyone!

Written by Tanja Mitton

Sign up to our newsletter