Mind Games - Deciding your horse is not for you with Tanja Mitton

This article is from the August 2020 Horse Deals magazine.

One of the hardest decisions we have to make is to decide what to do when the horse we have is not right for us.

Before we can make this decision however, we have to admit that our horse is not the right partner for us. Some people find this easy and they can evaluate their relationship with their equine partner and sell or rehome their horse and move on. Others find this harder.

Before I go on I want to state quite clearly that there is no RIGHT or WRONG. It is not wrong to sell your horse and it is not right to keep it. A partnership with your horse is the same as a relationship with a person. The relationship has to be right for both, otherwise it is not going to work out.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Too often we stay in relationships for the wrong reasons, mainly out of fear, guilt or other emotional attachments, like wanting to be loved, craving security and so on.

Some riders hold on to their horse because it gives them status and makes them feel like they belong to a group that they want to belong to.
• Like a beautiful looking, well bred performance horse makes some riders feel they belong to the ‘dressage crew’.
• Rescuing a horse brings our need to love and care for someone else.
• Keeping a horse because others tell you that it is the right one comes when we want to please others more than ourselves.

Having ambitions and a goal is a great thing and very important for our development as riders, and looking after a horse that is in need of care shows our compassion, and we owe this to the horses for all they give to us.

But what about your needs and your actual dreams?

What I mean with the above statements is that there is a difference between the horses you want and the horse you need. Most riders I know need a horse that they can connect with and trust, because the horse is physical and emotionally able to look after their rider.

You have to ask yourself; what do you need your horse to give to you and what can you give to your horse?

• If you have a young and still inexperienced horse it needs confidence, reassurance and clear guidance from you in order to learn and to develop confidence in itself. Insecure young horses don’t cope well with nervous riders.
• If you have a performance horse it needs you to be a skilful and experienced athlete so you can communicate clearly without giving mixed signals. Sensitive and athletic horses don’t cope with unbalanced and inexperienced riders.
• If you have a horse that has been neglected in the past, it needs a very experienced person who understands the physical and emotional needs of horses, and is able to provide them financially and time-wise with what they need.
On the other hand, the horse that makes most riders truly happy is the older, established, already confident and experienced, often not flash and good looking, grounded steed that can take a rider by the hand and say ”It’s OK... I’ve got this.”

It is just like in human relationships, the pretty, super-talented and highly successful human is not always the perfect, reliable and dependable partner.

So, how do you know if you are in the right (equine) relationship?
If you get up in the morning and no matter what the day holds and no matter what the weather is, if you jump out of bed with that smile on your face that says ‘I can’t wait to get to my horse and sneak in a ride’, even if you only have 40 minutes, or at the end of your day in the semi-dark when you get home... then you know you are with your perfect unicorn.

Something to ponder on...

Happy riding everyone.

Tanja Mitton - Australia’s No. 1 Equestrian Success and Mindset Coach.
Phone (07) 5446 7339, 0419 891 319, Email: tanja@equestriansuccessmindset.com | www.equestriansuccessmindset.com

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