Overcoming the Past and Looking Forward

with Dr Amanda Jefferys

Registered Clinical and Health Psychologist. B. Psych (Hons). M Health Psych. Doctorate of Clinical and Health Psych. FCCLP, FCHP, MAPS. Registered Fitness Professional.

This month we are post many major events across Australia. For me, we have had three generations (yes me being the elder) at Sydney Royal with our team of horses, amazing colleagues, and friends. At this time, I give a pat on the back to all of them (and maybe some time off for precious ponies) for all achieved, the goals so strived towards, anchoring into working a timeline, the heartache and wins in preparation, and then the comradery and laughs through competing. But of course, the highlight reel doesn’t really demonstrate the reality: hard work, long hours, exhaustion, and at times both over-tired and happy tears.

The reason I raise our past month is the topic of this article has a focus on being more reflective, as we consider not only how to overcome past events but also how to bolster our strengths to learn and grow from all experiences (both challenging and positive). Evidence of reflective practice is strong as our minds make sense of events and reflection facilitates re-framing events and learning from the experiences.

This month requires challenging our emotional and social intelligence through reflection thus opening a chosen path and future function.  

Our equestrian sports often challenge us, forming a formidable partnership with our mounts takes hard work and dedication. Our modern world tantalises us with a false reality of all days being fun and worthy of a social media post. Of course, being able to anchor into real events is necessary as sometimes we are required to dig deep and overcome life setbacks: injury, relationships, changes to living circumstances, health challenges, and love challenges: each of these having the ability to bolster our own emotional intelligence by forcing growth. 

When we are challenged our being struggles: our physical, mental and emotional health may all be impacted. Stress response (and who doesn’t experience stress load) works to undermine our function unless we learn skills to manage stress and implement coping strategies. Simple self-care can be a starting point such as keeping being active (riding of course), eating healthily, getting adequate sleep, and aligning with like-minded and supportive relationships. However, self-care is not the complete answer in coping: as the need to address concerns, consider options, and be decisive in the best steps forward is a priority. 

Some areas to consider in your reflective practice may include the following:

Confront avoidance
Confronting habits we have learned can be a cornerstone to overcoming current function. Consider your go-to habits you rely on and do they need to be reviewed, do you communicate your needs effectively, and seek to have your needs and those of loved ones met?  

The helicopter view is often a way we can reflect easily. That is, if I were in a helicopter hovering over the replay of this event what would I perceive? Would I be proud of my behaviours, communications, and was I able to seek support?

Tune into hurt
This sounds strange but often pain (including emotional pain) is a call to action. Reflecting on what is causing the pain and pondering the next steps you require to support you best. This is a tough one as we often endure but it is helpful to contemplate what actions you could take to improve on the situation.

Build the best version of you
None of us are perfect beings, we all fall over, make mistakes, and say and do things that we learn from. This month take a moment to deliberate on your best self: how you would walk, talk, and behave, what would you embrace doing and what would you remove from your current lifestyle? Anchoring into your best self and your values (like family) will be a living treasure as your family and friends get the added benefit of you as your happiest version.

Final words
This month is an open invitation to grow: momentum builds momentum, movement adds to action forward, energy sustains energy. A decision to allow yourself to transcend difficulties by reflecting on a course of action and then taking the steps forward will optimise your growth, facilitate you living life completely, and in accepting our prior events as being life learnings that we can improve from.

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